Starlight
by DapperDestruction
Summary: Sort of a dark fic. Spock, after Jim's gone. So, I guess that means a warning for character death, huh? Possibility for content of a graphic nature in future chapters, so I'm rating it M.
1. Far Away

**Far Away**

I do not care anymore, whether I live or die.

It is illogical, I know, but, please, do not condescend to me. Do not try to tell me that it is futile to think in such a manner. Do not tell me it is pointless, that it is not what He would have wanted.

I do not care—leave me alone.

I am still young, by the standards of my people. I am merely 78 years old. I am not even halfway through my natural life.

I do not care.

It would be far too illogical, even for me, to wish to die. Though I see the appeal, I do not wish to die.

I simple do not care anymore.

This ship is the last thing that will ever know me. It will keep me until the day I die, which I hope is not far into the future. It is going to take me far away, where no one can witness my agony.

I do not want to be a burden, I have never wanted that. I simply...

I do not care anymore.

There are still people who care if I live or die... I am sure they will worry for a time. It is difficult to constantly worry about something that is so far out of sight and, ultimately, out of mind. That is the whole point of this ship.

I bought this ship with the credits that he and I had saved, over the 46 years He and I spent together. It was supposed to be our "Nest Egg" as He put it.

That is no longer a possibility, however.

I do not care if I live or die.

That is the whole point of this ship—it is taking me far away from the people who care if I live or die.

–

A/N: If this was too sad for you to handle, I'll warn you that you probably won't want to continue. If you're familiar with my 5-shot (or whatever) "Across the Stars" then you'll realize that I did a short ficlet about Starlight, by Muse. I had so many people tell me that it put them to tears, that I wanted to elaborate on it. The moment it came up on my shuffle, I knew it was _perfect_ for this kind of story. I feel like it deserves more than a couple lines, written in 5 minutes. Hopefully, I'll have the next chapter up tonight.

Oh, and sorry for even more delay, to those of you who are waiting for more "Observations" I'm workin' on it and I truly did fully intend to write a chapter over the weekend. My mouse decided to break and I was very limited on what I could do with keyboard shortcuts.

Reviews are always appreciated!


	2. Chasing Your Starlight

**Chasing Your Starlight**

It seems so long. It is quiet, mostly, but I have one singular, driving purpose that I have concocted to give reason to my continued existence without him.

He loved space.

I think, sometimes, that perhaps space, not I, was his true love. He was born among the stars, and he was born to _be_ among the stars.

Starlight was his favourite.

He was always chasing that starlight, searching for something that he was never quite sure of, even after so many years. I always followed him, in his quest to find what he was looking for, whatever great purpose he found himself pursuing.

So, now, I will be chasing his starlight for him, now that he can not.

This ship hurtles through space in search of that which is being searched for. A goal defined by the journey, he called it.

He never reached his goal. He never finished his journey.

So, until the end of my life, I will be chasing his starlight.

It has been so long. I am still chasing.

...I do not know if it is worth it anymore.


	3. I Just Wanted To

**I Just Wanted To**

For so long, I desired him.

It came to the point where it was almost painful, not be be near him, to see him every moment of everyday. I made excuses to be around him.

I just wanted to hold him in my arms.

It was illogical—it still is.

On that first night, the night of a new beginning, before I could do as I desired, before we both succumbed to the urge we had felt for so long, I was in pain.

I thought that was the worst pain I had ever experienced. All the torment I had endured before, and the wounds and torture I had experienced since, were nothing compared to that.

I thought nothing could be worse.

I was wrong.

There was a hole in my reason—I had never accounted for the pain of absence, after knowing what he was like.

Pain.

Ripping, stabbing, tearing, burning, searing, throbbing, aching, wrenching, horrible, torturous, unforgivable, lonely _pain_.

Nothing compares to this void I feel, as I search for your starlight.


	4. Electrify My Life

**Electrify My Life**

My life.

It is something so small, in the face of the wide impact he has had. He would say that little of what he has done would have been accomplished without me, but it is not true.

If it were not for him, I would not have done anything.

I was merely a tool—a medium for his greatness.

He said he loved me, and he did so loyally and truly for the rest of his life, after the moment he realized it. He loved me long before he even told me.

As did I.

"You electrify my life!" he said to me one day.

Illogical. Fascinating.

I loved him....

I _love_ him. To this day.

It is illogical, but it is undeniably true.

We conspired. The events that transpired... electrified out lives. The lit up the sky with starlight. He was the driving force behind my existence.

When I was with him, I felt so alive.

Now I do not care whether I live or die.

I would die, just to feel alive.

–

A/N: Here's part four. There's gonna be seven parts, total, so that means we're more than halfway done. All the rest are written up in my notebook, I've just gotta type them. Maybe I'll get them all up tonight.


	5. Fade Away

**Fade Away**

I do not want to run away from my memories. That would mean that he would fade away.

I do not think I could beat that.

I would not die, I would simply cease to exist. It would be as if I never was, because he never was. I would shatter, perhaps vaporize of evaporate.

It sounds illogical, but I can not see any alternative.

So, I want him to make a promise.

I know it illogical—I know he can not.

I know he is gone.

Dead.

But, I want it anyway.

So, T'hy'la.... I'll never let you go, if you promise not to fade away.


	6. Black Holes And Revelations

**Black Holes And Revelations**

I held out hope for a long time.

I am still not sure what, precisely, I was hoping for, but I have discovered one thing.

Hope is illogical.

I had expectations that I would find what I was searching for—that intangible thing that he sought for his entire life.

But, if one was to find what one was searching for, it would no longer be what was being searched for. Correct?

It defies logic.

Illogical—just like him.

It is fitting that his life's purpose is just as preposterous as he was.

Where does starlight go and never return from?

Black holes.

As I watch, I am struck by a strong compulsion, an irresistible urge, and I head towards my hope.

I hope to find his starlight, which as run away from this universe, never to return.


	7. Hold You In My Arms

**Hold You In My Arms**

I do not care if I live or die.

I simply want to hold him in my arms, not only in my memories.

I know now—it is not worth it.

I have chased his starlight. I have found nothing.

I have only one option left.

I would die just to feel alive—just to hold him in my arms.

I want to be re-ignited.

This ship is taking me far away.

Far away, to black holes and revelations, where I can hold him in my arms.

–

A/N: And that's all folks. Hope I didn't make y'all cry too much. Reviews are much appreciated. Not sure if I'm the best at all the drama. And, yeah, I know it was really short. But criticism is super appreciated!


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